Things I learned about myself in 2020

Lauren Volper
4 min readNov 18, 2020

I started this list in March about things I learned in quarantine. It’s been so long, we don’t even call it that anymore.

I was quarantined within myself the majority of this year. So many transitions — geographically, emotionally, relationally, financially, professionally. Not that interesting, I know. We all were there too. But just this thing: I think I learned the most about myself, more than I ever freaking could have in any other container, and sometimes I just need to reflect on this because it’s blowing my mind. This one simple thing I figured out — in a BIG way.

I got to learn who the fuck I am, what I stand for, and I’m on a quest to be of service with that understanding now.

I did the work, and now I want to share. What that meant, and maybe (hopefully) someone else can gain from my pain.

What I learned: I am lovable. I am. I was loved in such an honest, patient, and pure way this year, and I let him go. I let him go because we wanted different things. I knew what I wanted, and he didn’t. I let that go. What I learned from that is that when I am unwavering in my needs, I am rewarded with confidence, self-esteem, and strength.

The takeaway for you: think about where you are waffling on, and how much of that is contributed to fear? Fear and faith can not coexist. You have to pick one. Blind faith is for fools, so really get to a place where you know enough about who the fuck you are, then lean into the people that support that, and trim the fat as needed.

The downside: you will feel pain. I feel pain. But it’s a different kind of pain than you’ve felt before. It’s almost as if the pain gives you comfort because you did something that scared the shit out of you, and now you have all this new-found confidence, and feel like you can get through anything. Even a pandemic.

What I learned: I am impatient. I love the results, but I don’t like waiting for them. I love feeling good, but I don’t want to delay gratification. I love when I get what I want, but when I know, I know, and I won’t listen to anyone who doesn’t appreciate that. I am intolerant of other people’s problems when they won’t do anything about them because as soon as I have a problem, I am fixed on solving it. I didn’t particularly care for…

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Lauren Volper

@thelaurenvolperlife. Culinary school grad. Professional Wino. Retired amatuer bodybuilder. Jill of all trades, master of pun.